Way back in 2009 I posted an entry about the great headline commentary in the [CodeProject] daily news. Once again those CodeProject editors have done their snarky best. And no, they have definitely not mellowed with age. The following are some of my favorites from 2013 curated and categorized for your further edification.
Because the Bible tells me so
Why the Bar Code Will Always Be the Mark of the Beast
And when he had opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice say, “Attention shoppers….”Google patent: Throat tattoo with lie-detecting mobile microphone built-in
“And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name.”How the Bible and YouTube are fueling the next frontier of password cracking
And The Lord set his password to p@ssw0rd, and there was much gnashing of teeth and rending of cloth
Python. Monty Python.
If You Can’t Do Email Validation Right…
No one expects the Spanish@Inquisit.ion.The hollow triangular numbers are divisible by three
Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count.
Obligatory Star Wars references
Samsung Demos a Tablet Controlled by Your Brain
I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if several emails had just arrived.(Open)VMS – the end of an era
Join me, Windows NT, and together we can rule the galaxy as father and son.
Obligatory Star Trek references
The Bounded Gaps Between Primes Theorem has been proved
Proving the prime directive: Kirk + Green alien women do not appear in sequential Star Trek episodes.
Surfing the memes
Protect Yourself From SQL Injection
Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to DELETE FROM EmployeesSimCity mod demonstrates the possibility of some form of indefinite offline play
Sharks with frikin lasers attached to their heads add-on can’t be far behind.You don’t need every customer
1 star. Unfunny subhead. Needs more cowbell.They’re killing the PC
Then that means all those computers in the office… They must be the undead!Binary Integer Programming With Python
Step 2: make sure optimization errors do not accidentally cause zombie apocalypse.What the meaning of is is
I did not have NULL relations with that variable.Google’s Quantum A.I. Lab adds quantum physics to Minecraft
Use it to build a catGreat news! Engineers aren’t psychopaths (but CEOs are)
“I’m not a psychopath, I’m a high-functioning sociopath. Do your research.”
Enough LOLCATS already
The One Tip That Will Help You Learn To Code 10x Faster
Curiosity killed the cat. So did looking at animated GIFs of cats. Only more slowly.More data storage? Here’s how to fit 1,000 terabytes on a DVD
Removing cat photos and animated GIFs reduces the problem significantly.
The year of the Linux … something
9 Things That Are Never Admitted About Open Source
One thing we can agree on: “next year” is always the year of the Linux desktop.Ubuntu for Phones – Analysis for Potential and Visual Breakdown
Oh, great. 2013 will be the year of the Linux desktop *and* phone.How to: Steam on Linux (Debian 7.0)
The year of the Linux GAMING desktop!Why Is The International Space Station Switching From Windows To GNU/Linux?
This is finally the year of the Linux space station.Data in the driver’s seat
This could be the year of Linux on the dashboard.Dear Linux, I’m leaving you — for Windows 8
I guess last year was the year of the Linux desktop… and we missed it.
Life in tech world
Brace styles and JavaScript
Pro tip: when someone pays you to write code for them, use whatever style they prefer.First Impressions: the TECK Ergonomic Mechanical Keyboard
Ergonomics is Latin for “You won’t get any work done for weeks.”Kids, don’t believe the startup hype: Why you should join a big company first
You’ve got to ask yourself one question: Do I like ramen?Universities fail to offer essential programming skills like Cobol
There’s also worryingly low enrollment in Conversational Latin.On false dichotomies and diversity (in tech conferences)
In an industry where 27–29% are female, if you manage to get a speaker line-up with 0% female speakers, you have a bias.How to work with software engineers
Free donuts works for me. What’s your trick?The Tech Industry’s Darkest Secret: It’s All About Age
Youth and enthusiasm is cheaper than age and experience. In the short run.Study: Most CEOs lack vision, leadership on new computer tech
In related news: IT workers shocked (that a study got something right)The Machine-Readable Workforce
Thank you for applying. According to our algorithms, you’re fired.6 predictions for the future of tech from Google exec Eric Schmidt
Bonus prediction: an important update will begin just when you need to do something else.Microsoft’s revamped Kinect for Xbox One will also come to Windows next year
The new Ctrl+Alt+Delete: Wave, Swipe, Raise the roof, Jump to the left, Stick it, Glide
Live in a dev world
Announcing Topaz: A New Ruby
A Ruby clone, written in Python, based on a Ruby port… um, OK.jQuery made me become a programmer
Think of jQuery as a gateway “language”… pretty soon they’ll be coding the hard stuff.The Definitive Reference To Why Maybe Is Better Than Null
Schrodinger’s Type: Maybe it’s there. Maybe it’s not.Like a good scotch, developers get better with age
Even better? A developer drinking scotchAlmost Flat Design
Next up: abstract expressionist interfaces. Click wherever you like. It won’t mean anything.Frame of Reference — The real issues at the heart of modern interface design
The skeuomorphic of today is the hieroglyphic of tomorrow.What makes Java developers more productive?
Two quarts of French Roast, and a #18 needle9 Fallacies of Java Performance
“Sophisticated platform” typically means “I have no idea how it works.”
What’s in a name?
What comes next after Windows 8.1?
Windows 2014 RT CE RTFM IX, Ultraviolet EditionNokia shareholders approve Microsoft deal
One step closer to “Windows Phone 9 360, Powered by Nokia Lumia Technology”
Close enough for government work
Introducing government.github.com
Fork the government (before they fork you)Security hole in Healthcare.gov exposed user email addresses
/face palm Someone get little Bobby Drop Table to log inHealthcare.gov website ‘didn’t have a chance in hell’
Too big to succeed (500 million lines of code?!)Nations Buying as Hackers Sell Flaws in Computer Code
First we get Moose and Squirrel, then conquer World.
Exciting stuff someone might want
Does Anyone Actually Want a “Facebook Phone”?
I’m holding out for a Twitter pager.Facebook’s “Phone” Is Another Triumph of Mediocrity
The genius of the Facebook phone is that the company made a phone without making a phone at all.Microsoft may give smartwatches another try
Even a stopped clock is right twice a day… except when it’s digital.Almost every major consumer electronics manufacturer is now working on a smart watch
In other news, hardly anyone actually wants a smart watch.New wave Wi-Fi: Wireless underwater Internet in the works
Good news for all twittering SCUBA diversMozilla Appmaker
Apps made by apps that allow anyone to build apps should be used by no oneIBM has a new protocol (and a box) for the internet of things
An Arduino can do this, but no one was ever fired for buying IBM.
Security is in the eye of the beholder
Should websites be required to publicly disclose their password storage strategy?
“Robust” means storing them in plain text behind a website riddled with XSS and SQL injection.Obscurity: A Better Way to Think About Your Data Than ‘Privacy’
It’s difficult to protect your privacy from your own oversharingHow Secure Are Windows Store Apps?
I’m skeptical of the inherent security of a security model that requires constant updates.Microsoft account to get two-factor authentication soon
Your password must contain a capital letter, a number, a haiku, a toad’s foot…Eric Schmidt calls Android ‘more secure than the iPhone’
And by ‘secure’, he means, ‘makes me more money”
Just between you and me. And the NSA.
Confirmed: The NSA is Spying on Millions of Americans
Dear NSA, please tell me which phone/data plan best suits my usage patternsMicrosoft Finally Offers To Pay Hackers For Security Bugs With $100,000 Bounty
As a bonus, you’ll also be included in an exclusive list of hackers watched by the NSA.Google’s Schmidt: NSA spying on data centers Is ‘outrageous’
Yeah, everyone knows they should only be spying on cell phones (and browsers, and …)Apple releases report on government requests for user data, ‘strongly’ opposes US gag order
“If you are on a list targeted by the CIA, you really have nothing to worry about. If however, you have a name similar to somebody on a list targeted by the CIA, then you are dead.”
Tweaking the corporate giants
How to check if your Adobe account was compromised
Or use this handy guide, “Have you ever signed into the Adobe site?”Core Rot at Apple
No mystical reality distortion field controls my destiny. It’s all a lot of simple tricks and nonsenseDefective Dell Latitude 6430u notebooks ‘smell of cat urine’
It’s the new corporate scent, now that they’ve gone privateIn Nook, Microsoft sees a chance to compete against Amazon and Apple
A nook can’t read so a nook can’t cook, SO… a Surface with Nook might be a good hook.Plan your digital afterlife with Inactive Account Manager
Welcome to the Past Lives Pavilion…. brought to you by “Google Death.”A close look at how Oracle installs deceptive software with Java updates
We’ve secretly replaced the fine Java they usually serve with insecure browser toolbars. Let’s see if anyone notices…Oracle database costs are driving firms to Postgres, says EnterpriseDB
And in related news, the CEO of Oracle was seen sailing his 88m yacht to his island (Lanai, most of it anyway)
Security For All 