Thanks for all the phishing in 2012

Thanks for the information
Oh never give a sucker an even break
When you’re on to something it’s a
Dime in a dozen people start
Coming out of the woodwork
Thanks for the invitation
I know I must be on to something big
From Thanks for the information by Van Morrison

In 2009, the first year of this blog, in honor of Thanksgiving here in the USA I posted an entry about some things I would have been thankful for in 2009. If they were even remotely true. I’m a collector and, dare I say connoisseur, of Nigerian 419 style phishing messages. Since then it’s become an annual event. So without further ado, here is a sampling of my favorites from 2012. The things I’m thankful for.

I am thankful for Someone associated with the Benin Republic who wants to give me $950K (I think) in $5K (or is it $4K) chunks and it will only cost me $50.

SO NOW WE HAVE ARRANGED TO PAY YOU BECAUSE ALL OUR INVESTIGATED CONFIRMED THAT YOU ARE THE RIGHT PERSON TO RECEIVE THIS FUND NOTE WE HAVE TWO OPTION TO PAY YOU AND YOU THE ONE TO MAKE YOUR CHOICE OPTION (1) 0UR WESTERN UNION GOLD CARD WHICH YOU WILL WITHDRAW DAILY $4000.00 OPTION (2) RECEIVE DAILY CASH $5,000.00 TILL THE TOTAL PAYMENT COMPLETED. THERE IS ONE CERTIFICATE CALLED (FUND RELEASE ORDER CERTIFICATES) WHICH YOU SUPPOSE TO OBTAIN FROM FEDERAL HIGH COURT SERVICES WHICH WILL NOTICED THAT YOU ARE NOT A BENIN CITIZEN BUT YOU DID NOT HAVE IT AND THAT IS ONLY WHAT YOU NEEDED NOW.
ACCORDING TO THE INSTRUCTION PASSED TO THIS WESTERN UNION DEPARTMENT FROM THE OFFICE OF THE (FEDERAL HIGH COURT SERVICES) THIS WILL DULY GUARANTEE AND COVER THE MONEY AS BEING LEGITIMATELY ACQUIRED FROM THE BENIN GOVERNMENT. SO I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOUR FUND OF $950,000.00 USD IS STILL WITH THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT ACCOUNT BUT IT WILL RELEASE IMMEDIATELY TO THIS WESTERN UNION OFFICE AS SOON AS YOU OBTAIN THE (FUND RELEASE ORDER CERTIFICATES)

ACCORDING TO OUR MESSENGER WHICH WENT TO THE FEDERAL HIGH COURT SERVICES OFFICE BENIN REPUBLIC FOR THE RELEASE ORDER CERTIFICATES HE TOLD US THAT IT WILL COST YOU THE SUM OF $50.00 ONLY FOR THE OBTAIN OF IT, SO HE TOLD US THAT THEY WILL ISSUE IT WITHIN ONE DAY IF THE FEE WILL BE PAID. SO RECONFIRM US YOUR FULL ADDRESS WITH THE OPTION EITHER YOU WANT IT GOLD CARD OR DAILY PER OK I WILL BE AWAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU IMMEDIATELY WITH THE PAYMENT INFORMATION TO OBTAIN THE FUND RELEASE ORDER CERTIFICATES,send it with below information.

RECEIVER NAME:okoye Lawrence
COUNTRY : BENIN REPUBLIC
CITY : COTONOU
QUESTION : IN GOD
ANSWER : WE TRUST
AMOUNT To SEND; $50

I AM HERE GIVING YOUR GUARANTEE AND ALSO 100 % PERCENT ASSURANCE THAT THIS IS THE ONLY MONEY YOU WILL PAY AND AFTER YOU PAY IT YOU WILL RECEIVE YOUR FUND IMMEDIATELY. I WILL BE WAITING RIGHT TO HAVE THE PAYMENT INFORMATION IN ORDER TO ENABLE US OBTAIN THIS NEEDED CERTIFICATE SOON. EMAIL US (westernunion900@kimo.com)

REGARDS,
MR. OGUGUA PIUS,
THE NEW MANAGER OF WESTERN UNION

I’m pretty sure I understand that…
OK seriously that pegs the old WTF meter, but hey it’s got to be legit since Mr. Pius is THE NEW MANAGER OF WESTERN UNION. And how can you possibly not trust that security question and answer. This is the hands down winner of the Most Egregious Misuse of Google Translate award in the Found Money category.

I am thankful for all of the US and international government organizations who are dedicated getting my money back from those nasty Nigerian Miscreants, Hoodlums and Touts.

Office Of The National Security Adviser
Federal Republic Of Nigeria
Aso Rock Villa, Asokoro District,
Abuja-Nigeria.

Based on our investigations,we wish to warn you against some Miscreants, Hoodlums and Touts who go about scamming innocent people by claiming to be who they are not and thereby tarnishing the image of this wonderful country. I am Lt General Peter Olu (Rtd),National Security Adviser to the new Nigerian President Dr Goodluck Ebele Jonathan,(GCON).

I am delighted to inform you that the contract panel which just concluded its seating in Abuja, just released your name among listed beneficiaries to benefit from the Diplomatic Immunity Payment. This Panel was primarily delegated to investigate manipulated inheritance claims, contracts and over-invoiced payment as the effect has eaten deep into the economy of our dear country.

However,we wish to bring to your notice that your contract profile is still reflecting in our central computer as unpaid beneficiary while auditing was going on. Your payment file was forwarded to my office by the auditors as unclaimed fund, we wish to use this medium to inform you that for the time being,the Federal Government of Nigeria have stopped further payment through bank to bank transfer due to beneficiaries numerous petitions to United Nations against Nigeria on wrong payment and diversion of contract/inheritance funds to different accounts.

In this regards, we are going to send your contract part payment of $4.1 Million USD to you via our accredited shipping company and I have secured every needed documents to cover the money while the diplomat will get it delivered to you right in your door step.

Note: The money is coming in 2 security proof boxes. The boxes are sealed with synthetic nylon seal and padded with machine. Please you don’t have to worry for anything as the transaction is 100% risk free.

Best Regards,

Lt General Peter Olu (Rtd).
National Security Adviser to the President
Federal Republic of Nigeria.

And this helpful organization as well.

Good day,
I am Dr. Sofia Hill, I am a US citizen, 48 years Old.  I am one of those that took part in the Compensation in Nigeria many years ago and they refused to pay me, I had paid over $20,000 while in the US, trying to get my payment all to no avail. So I decided to travel over to Nigeria with all my compensation documents, and I was directed to meet Mr. Michael Craig, who is a member of COMPENSATION AWARD COMMITTEE, and I contacted him and he explained everything to me. He said whoever is contacting us through emails are fake. He took me to the paying bank for the claim of my Compensation payment.

Right now  I have received my compensation funds of $1,500,000.00 Moreover, Mr. Michael Craig, showed me the full information of those that are yet to receive their payments and I saw your name as one of the beneficiaries, and your email address, that is why I decided to email you to stop dealing with those people, they are not with your fund, they are only making money out of you.

I will advise you to contact Mr. Michael Craig directly through the below information.

ZENITH COMPENSATION HOUSE
Name: Mr. Michael Craig
E-mail: michaelcraig44@…

You really have to stop dealing with those people that are contacting you and telling you that your fund is with them, it is not in anyway with them, they are only taking advantage of you and they will dry you up until you have nothing. The only money I paid after I met Mr. Michael Craig was just $420 for the paper works, take note of that.

Thank You and Be Blessed.

Dr. Sofia Hill, MD
Childrens Hospital Outpatnt Ctr

Wow! All of these folks falling all over themselves just to help me get satisfaction from those scammers. Although I can’t actually recall being scammed, it was hard to choose which of these individuals was the most trustworthy – Lt General Peter Olu (Rtd). he’s ex-military, and National Security Adviser to the President (of Nigeria) or Mr. Michael Craig who comes highly recommended by Dr. Sofia Hill, MD who was scammed out of $20,000. You can choose which should win in the Help from Nigeria category.

I am thankful for all of the wonderful folks who recognize what an honest, astute investment adviser I am and want to make me rich for assisting them in philanthropic endeavors.

Beloved, Please read this letter carefully.
Don’t be surprise to receive this message; I got your email address from a mail directory. I am Mrs. Joy Armstrong a National of Ivory Coast; I am married to Late Engr. Daniel Armstrong. We were married for 17 years without a child but still waiting upon the lord before my beloved husband`s death in the year 2006.

Since after the death of my late husband, I decided not to re-marry. When my lovely husband was alive, he deposited the sum of US$8 Million (Eight Million United States Dollars) in fixed /suspense account in one of the leading Bank here in Ivory Coast. Presently the bank management contacted me as the next beneficiary because, the initial agreement which my late husband reached with the bank for withdrawal of the fund has expired and due to my critical health am not opportune to apply for the release of the fund to me because, I have a deadly disease called CANCER OF THE LUNGS.

Recently my doctor said my conditions is really deteriorating and is quite obvious that my death is very close because, the CANCER stage is becoming worst. I have been hospitalized for the past 7 months. Base on doctor`s report, am scared because death can come at anytime I now decided to share my feelings and plans with you at this moment in good faith to donate this inherited funds through your great influence and assistant by utilize 70% of the total money to the following like Churches, Orphanages Home, Handicaps, Widows and Widowers, while you keep the remaining 30% for yourself for carrying out my last decision.

Kindly reply me if you can do my wish so I can give you more details on how best the fund will be transfer to you. and will also issue you a letter of authority declaring you as the next of kin or beneficiary to the fund. Please kindly assure me that you will act accordingly and keep all details confidential.

I expect your prompt reply. Thanks and God bless you.

Yours faithfully

Mrs. Joy Armstrong.

And this person who entices me with coy romantic innuendos.

My Dearest,

Good day to you, I know you will be surprise to receive this email, Before I proceed I must first apologize for this unsolicited mail to you, I am aware that this is certainly not a conventional way of approach to establish a relationship of trust, my dear I will like you to understand that, I am writing this mail to you With due respect trust and humanity, I have decided to contact you after much thought considering the fact that we have not meet before, but because of the circumstance oblige me, I decided to contact you due to the urgency of my present situation here in the refugee camp, honestly i am writing this email to you with pains, tears and sorrow from my heart, I am Miss Alice Kipkalya Kones, 25yrs old female and I from Kenya here in Africa; my father was the former Kenyan road Minister. He and Assistant Minister of Home Affairs Lorna Laboso had been on board the Cessna 210, which was headed to Kericho and crashed in a remote area called Kajong’a, in western Kenya. The plane crashed on Tuesday 10th, June, 2008.

After the death of my beloved father my wicked step mother along with my uncles team together and sold everything that my late father had and share the money within themselves. Unfortunately to me I fined my father’s briefcase and when I opened it I found a document, which my late father use to deposit the sum of Nine Million Four Hundred Thousand United State Dollars ($9.400.000.00) in a Bank, here in Burkina Faso West Africa with my name as next of skin, right now I am in Ouagadougou Capital of Burkina Faso to withdraw the money so that i can start a better life and also further my education.

But on my arrival to the Bank, the Bank foreign Operation Department Director whom I meet in person told me that my father instruction to their bank is that the fund would only be release to me when I am married or present a trustee/partner who will help me and invest the fund overseas after the transfer, and the bank ask me to go and look for a foreign partner, that was why I decided to contact you, which I believe that you are going to be honest and reliable person that will help me and stand as my trustee/partner, so that I can present you to the Bank for the release and transfer of the inheritance fund into your bank account in your country, and It is my intention to compensate you with 40% of the total fund for your services and help and the balance shall be my capital in your establishment. As soon as I receive your positive response showing your interest i will put things into action, in the light of the above, I shall appreciate an urgent message indicating your ability and willingness to handle this transaction, awaiting your urgent and positive response, Please do keep this only to your self, i beg you not to disclose it to any body till i come over because am afraid of my wicked stepmother, i will send you my picture in my next email, with due respect, i am pleading that you help me, i am giving all this detailed information with every transparency believing that you will have a clear picture of the base of help i need from you.

I hope to hear from you soon, May truth and love be the guiding word in my refuge,

Best regard,

Yours Sincerely
Alice Kipkalya Kones.

Yet another hard choice to make – do I go for the widow who’s dying of a deadly disease called CANCER OF THE LUNGS but is only offering me 30% of $8 million or the damsel in distress (I’m a sucker for sob stories that involve wicked stepmothers) who implies that I could get not only romance but control of $9.4 million. Again you can choose which should win in the Help with Investments category.

I am thankful for long lost relatives who leave me obscene amounts of money.

Dear Friend,

I am Joseph Onalia, an Attorney by profession from Republic of Togo, Senior Advocate of Togo, (S.A.T).

It might interest you to know that I have a deceased client that bears the same surname with you.

Mr A I.(your last name) came to Togo in 1988 and was working with Shell Development company, Lome Togo.

In 1996 Before his death, I assisted him in making a 15years fixed deposit worth $9.5M which has now Matured to USD$21M payment by the financial institution.

The bank has notified me to provide the next of kin or have the account Confiscated within the next 60 official working days.

I am contacting you for two reasons. Firstly, you both have the same last name, which makes the claim most credible. Secondly, I strongly believe that the financial firm does not deserve to inherit the funds.With your permission, I wish to  proceed to establish you as the next of kin/Beneficiary to my late client.

Do not be afraid as I am his representative attorney and stand the capability to provide all the necessary paperwork to back up this claim until the funds are released to you, We will split.

As it is currently valued at US$21M USD. I intend to split the total US$21M USD with you equaly 50%/50%, after deducting any expenses that comes up during the process of this transaction and thereafter i shall invest my own share in real estate business in your country. Let’s work this out for I have all the documents to prove you as the heir to my deceased client.  If this is against your principles, I do humbly apologize and please do keep very secret.

Kindly get back to me with your;

Full name…………………
Age……………..
Country……………………
Telephone number……………….
Profession……………………

I look forward to hearing from you if you are ready to proceed on this transaction.

Best regards,

Barrister  Joseph Onalia
Senior Advocate of Togo, (S.A.T).

Ah yes, good old uncle A I.(your last name), I remember him well before he left for Togo… But that lawyer Joseph Onalia seems a little sleazy – even if he is Senior Advocate of Togo, (S.A.T). I mean taking 50% of my $21 million – after deducting his expenses – seems harsh. I’m not really sure why he needs to know my profession but he’s definitely the winner in the Inheritance category.

I am thankful for uncouth oil companies who want me to assist with business investments.

FROM CRUDE SHELL OIL COMPANY UK

PLEASE PARDON US TO CONTACT YOU IN THIS WAY. PERHAPS, IT NECESSARY TO INFORM YOU THAT THIS OIL COMPANY IS LOOKING FOR A RELIABLE PLACE TO ESTABLISH BUSINESS INVESTMENT ACROSS UK TO ANOTHER COUNTRY.  IF YOU KNOW ANY BUSINESS IN YOUR COUNTRY THAT CAN PROFIT YOU AND THIS COMPANY, PLEASE DO CONTACT US AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO THAT WE CAN HAVE A PARTNERSHIP GROWN INVESTMENT BETWEEN YOU AND THE COMPANY. PERHAPS, WE ARE ASSURING YOU THAT YOU WILL BENEFIT LARGELY FROM THIS INVESTMENT WITH OUR COMPANY.  IF YOU ARE INTERESTED, PLEASE DO NOT HESITATE TO CONTACT US VIA COMPANY EMAIL AT: (info@cdpetroleumoil.com) OR (cdoil@instruction.com)

BEST REGARDS.

CRUDE SHELL OIL COMPANY UK

Although I’m usually wary of crude organizations like Fox Media, this offer is so obtuse that how can it not be legit. This is the clear winner of the Most Egregious Misuse of Google Translate award in the Shady Deals category.

I am thankful for the outrageous prizes I’ve won in various contests I’ve never even entered including WRM Media, Asia Pacific Lottery, YAHOO & WINDOWS LIVE prize, BP Biannual Webmail Sweepstakes, UK National Online Lotto and Yahoo Awards promotion.

Hello Joseph Webster,

Congratulations.

Your eMail address was exclusively selected as a possible winner.

Well done – you made it!

You have qualified for the free-choice sweepstake and are therefore amongst the chosen few in the final draw for 3 Apple products: iMac, iPhone, iPad.

——————————————-

Asia Pacific Lottery Organization
80b Phetchamnork Avenue,
Bangkok Thailand.

WINNING NOTIFICATION:

We write to Congratulate you as regards your Email Address success in our Online Computer Balloting Sweepstakes Program from the Asia Pacific Lottery Organization online draws of 5th Day of the Month held in Bangkok Thailand.

All participants were selected through the Registered Computer Internet Users ballot system drawn from 10,000, Personal Email Addresses & official Email Addresses, from Asia, Australia, New Zealand, Europe, North and South America, Middle East and Africa, as part of our International Promotions Program.

Your Email Address has subsequently won you one of the two Jackpot prizes in the 5th category? You have therefore been approved to claim a Total Sum of USD$368,000.00 (THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY EIGHT THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) Only.

Your Email Address attached to ticket number APLA286067-00-805 with Serial Number ANGR9-3088 that drew the Lucky Numbers of 8641146.

You have therefore been approved of a lump sum payment of USD$368,000.00 (THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY EIGHT THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) Only in cash credited REF NO: ASIAPLOTTOORG00-03803.

——————————————-

British Microsoft Award
Headquarters: Customer service

33 YatchBasinMarina Offices,
UponTyne Newcastle London.

Attn: WINNER,

Your email addresses have just won YAHOO & WINDOWS LIVE prize money of GBP£2,000,000.00 (TWO MILLION = GREAT BRITISH POUNDS STERLING) On Friday, 8/3/ 2012. Award winners emerge through random selection of all active email subscribers online. Six are selected monthly to benefit from this promotion.

Payment of Prize and Claim

Winners are to be paid in accordance with his/her SettlementCenter. This promotion was drawn based on email address as the key identification for setting up online accounts. All valid email addresses in the World Wide Web Draw used/participants for the online email promotion version were selected randomly via computer balloting from a global website collaboration with internet companies like eBay, pay pal, liberty reserve, and Google whom also built their systems and based their membership registration identity on email addresses supporting this computer draw system done by extracted email addresses from over 100,000 unions, associations, and corporate bodies  and  affiliated members to the National Lottery website and their advertisers listed online.

WINNER NO: 4
these are your identification numbers:
Batch Number: YPB/08/APA-43658
Reference Number:  ZA/YPN/270992008
Award File Security code:  UK/+QU03005

Please note that you’re lucky winning ticket file and number falls within our African booklet representative office in Johannesburg South Africa, as indicated in your ballot played coupon. In view of this, your (£2,000,000.00) would be released to you by our payment department in South Africa

——————————————-

Reference Number: BP12/0117/2012
Batch Number: PBSS102/1414
Dear Sir/Madam,

Winning Notification

The BP Promotions Office hereby notifies you that you are a winner of our Biannual Webmail Sweepstakes Program which took place on the 21st of March 2012 in our head office.

Participants were obtained from a database of one billion email user accounts and no tickets were sold because email addresses were assigned play coupons which were randomly generated using our Quick-Pick Automated E-ballot Software.

You have therefore been approved for the lump sum pay out of £750,000.00(Seven Hundred and Fifty Thousand Pounds Sterling) allocated to Ref No: BP12/0117/2012 because your play coupon bears one of the lucky winning number sequences [21-24-32-43-36-45] Bonus (16). This is from the total promotional budget of £16,000,000.00 (Sixteen Million Pounds Sterling) which is to be shared amongst the winners in this category

——————————————-

Attn:Beneficiary,

Are you the correct owner of this email address? If yes then be Glad this day as the result of the UK National Online Lotto and e-mail address free-ticket draws of The 2012Promotion Award has just been released and we are glad to announce to you that your email address came out in the first category and entitles you to claim the sum of ₤1,850,000.00 {One Million Eight Hundred and fifty Thousand British Pounds, From the UK National ONLINE Lottery Promotion

Your email address was entered for the online draw on this free ticket number: 9DHHDF09373 and won on this Lucky number: UKLO647UZGDJ2.

Please remember you did not enter or buy the ticket to earn you this Prize. It is a Promotional Program to encourage the use of Microsoft and Internet Programs.

——————————————-

Yahoo Awards Center
124 Stockport Road,
Longsight, Manchester M60 2DB – United Kingdom

Dear winner,

This is to inform you that you have won a prize money of Eight Hundred,Twenty Thousand Great Britain Pounds (£820,000,00.)for the month of May, 2012 Prize promotion which is organized by YAHOO AWARDS & WINDOWS LIVE.

YAHOO collects all the email addresses of the people that are active online, among the millions that subscribed to Yahoo and Hotmail and few from other e-mail providers. Six people are selected monthly to benefit from this promotion and you are one of the Selected Winners.

Yep – it’s been a great year for my lottery-winner-without-playing career. Aside from the millions of GREAT BRITISH POUNDS STERLING (apparently that’s the currency of choice for these lotteries – and whats up with all that collaboration between Microsoft and Yahoo?) I also won some swell Apple products and was even chosen to be on Deal or No Deal. Of course I’m still waiting for my money, iStuff and for Howie to call but in the meantime these all were winners in the Lottery Winnings category.

I am thankful for all of the offers of thinly veiled money laundering gigs.

Good day.

International Financial company working in the field of medical payments has available vacancy of Account Coordinator in USA.

The main responsibility of this position is to serve payments from our clients in United States.

Requirements :

– Location : USA

– Adult age

– Proven ability to work as part of a team

Benefits:

– Ability to work as home-based employee

– Flexible working schedule

No entrance fees are required.

If you are interested, please send back your resume (CV) with your contact details.

Have a good day.

Strictly speaking these aren’t really phishing attacks. They are real, if not legitimate, job offers. They are, however, related to these phishing scams in that this is how the money is laundered – through bogus financial, travel or shipping companies where all of the Account Coordinators work from home and basically run money through their checking accounts. These solicitations range in veracity from obvious nonsense like this one to really good fake CareerBuilder and Monster notifications. The Money Laundering category contains by far the most messages that I receive.

So there you have it – my list of stuff that I would be thankful for if they were even marginally real.

On a final, more sobering note I received one phishing email that has the dubious honor of being the most chilling and disgusting message I’ve ever received. The background for what makes this message so nasty is this, as described by The Denver Post:

The 10-year-old girl with the gap in her front teeth, who liked to play cheerleader and waitress, giggled a lot, loved the color purple and couldn’t wait to be a teenager, was on her way to school, alone.

She was supposed to meet a friend, a boy her age. The 1,000-foot walk down the street to his home should have taken four minutes, maybe five.

But Jessica Ridgeway, bundled against the cold in a black puffy jacket, never arrived.

The hours and days that followed brought confusion and false leads, moments of hope and dread, leading to the devastating announcement a week after her disappearance that human remains found in a desolate open-space park 9 miles from her home were Jessica’s.

On the afternoon of Oct. 10, maintenance workers were out picking up trash — a routine exercise in a park neighboring a landfill.

Earlier that day, police announced they had ruled out Jessica’s parents as suspects and believed an unknown person abducted her.

At about 2 p.m., workers came across a plastic garbage bag in plain view near a culvert on the side of the road, said Arvada police spokeswoman Jill McGranahan. The bag was heavy and “seemed kind of strange,” she said.

At that moment, animal-management officers who typically chase down stray dogs and escaped livestock drove by.

The maintenance workers flagged them down. An animal-control officer looked inside the bag and saw human remains, McGranahan said. Law enforcement officials have declined to be any more specific than to say they discovered a body that was “not intact.”

Within hours, hundreds of local police and FBI agents descended on the open space to walk the area and look for evidence.

It was 9 miles from Jessica Ridgeway’s house.

Two days later, grim-faced state and local law enforcement officials announced that DNA tests had confirmed that the remains were Jessica’s.

“The focus has changed from the search for Jessica to a mission of justice for Jessica,” said Westminster Police Chief Lee Birk.

“There is a predator at large in our community.”

So against that backdrop – I live about 2 miles from where Jessica was abducted – I receive this email purporting to be from “Neighborhood.Alert” with a subject of “Child Predator Warning”. The email contained only images that linked to some sites where you could “sign up for more information”. Yeah you bet – straight up phishing ploy. Let me close with this friendly warning to the person or group behind that little scam: I will hunt you down and you won’t like it when I find you.