Captain X-Ploit: The DMV Dilemma and David’s Dastardly Deceptive Disguise.

The Adventures of Captain X-Ploit:
The DMV Dilemma and David’s Dastardly Deceptive Disguise.
– Part 2 of the epic chronicle –
Captain X-Ploit vs. The Law

After standing around in line for about ten minutes Ted stared at David and said, “So… got a plan?” David looked back and replied, “Oh… I’ve had one since we got here, I thought you just liked waiting in line.” Ted looked a bit nonplussed, but before he could ask if that was a joke, David had begun to walk to the front of the line saying something to the people who objected. Ted couldn’t hear because he had fallen behind, bu the crowd seemed to not have a problem with him moving though. He wondered what David had told them.

He didn’t have to wonder long because at the front of the line David proceeded to walk up to an open window and say “Greetings Miss, we are inspectors here to test your abilities. You have been considered for a promotion, I’m sure you’ll do just fine, this is just formality.” Grinning the lady said “Really? I can’t believe it! I thought surely Jane would get the promotion, not me.” David smiled back and said “Yes, we did consider Jane and your boss did say you were an incompetent hack who couldn’t do the simplest task without messing it up in the most extravagant manner possible.” Her face transformed to a look of sheer hatred. “Rick said that?” Ted, eager to help David, interjected, “Indeed. I believe he referenced some sort of slug indigenous to the sewers, when we inquired about you as well.” David shrugged and said, “Well none of that really matters. You will have the rank to tell him off if you complete this simple task.” The lady nodded enthusiastically, “Ok, I’m up to it. What do I do?”

David cleared his throat and said “We’ve put your computer in ‘test mode’ so that nothing you do after this point will really be saved. This is entirely for testing purposes. You understand?” The lady nodded and David continued, “Ok, now pretend someone died. Would you be able to change the status on their profile?” The lady looked confused at first but then quickly said, “I see where this is going. Oh! I’ve always wanted to work at the morgue, I sure can do that. Who did you want me to change?” “Oh, I don’t know, it really doesn’t matter… why don’t you use the president and vice president for test subjects.” David said grinning as if the idea were an inside joke. The lady gave a courtesy laugh and said “Ok, sure thing.” After poking away for a few seconds at the computer she said “There we go. If this were real they would be marked as ‘deceased’ in every computer worldwide now.” David, mostly looking at Ted, remarked, “I’ll bet the news would catch that in a matter of minutes.”

He looked back at the lady and said brightly, “Congratulations! You got the promotion! Tell you what, I know a big part of every promotion is giving your old boss what for. Why don’t you go do that right now, there’s nothing he can do.” A look of pure ecstasy ran across her face. Ted chimed in, “Might I suggest you utilize the stapler in a manner that would result in his tie being permanently affixed to the desk? I know I’ve always wanted to do this to him.” He said, pointing at David who retorted, “Hey now! I’m sure calling him an incompetent slob will do just fine too.” The lady started to laugh and said “Yes, but it has less style than what the tux man said.”

A few minutes later:

David and Ted were sitting on a bench watching the lady being escorted out by security. Ted looked at David and said “I’ll admit, my friend, that was greatly enjoyable. However, I don’t quite grasp the necessity of getting her fired as well as manipulating her to our own devices.” David responded, “She would obviously have found out soon enough that she hadn’t gotten a promotion, but now she won’t even be allowed on campus, let alone to correct the error she just created in the system for us. There’s no hope of anyone stopping us now.” He trailed off, watching the lady screaming, just admiring his handiwork for a while, before he turned to Ted and said, “We’d better go watch the news until this breaks and see how they are going to handle the reelection.”