How to write headline commentary

I’ve been an avid follower of The Code Project for many years. Although Microsoft technology centric, they are most definitely not shills for Microsoft. Every weekday I look forward to the [CodeProject] daily news for not only pertinent and valuable content but for the most clever headline comments for aggregated content anywhere. The following are some of my favorites so far this year.

10 things Windows 7 must do to succeed
Sell?

Microsoft’s glimpse of the future
Do we get the shiny suits with big shoulders yet?

How to automatically install required software after a reinstall
Definitely beats my old method {training my cat to press the ‘Next’ button}

How to achieve more ‘Agile’ application security
Hide the keys somewhere only you can reach

U.S. lists top 20 security controls
Don’t leave the key under the mat, and more

Most fired workers steal data on way out the door, survey shows
“Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler…”

Why netbooks are killing Microsoft
How do you get them to buy Ultimate, when all they want is Facebook?

Introducing Microsoft’s Gazelle: A Web browser as a multi-principal OS
A secure browser from Microsoft: now there’s a thought

Children get first mobile phone at average age of eight
Who are they phoning, Elmo?

Ballmer stumps for openness in bid to beat Apple
Pot, meet kettle

Web application platform Coghead shuts down
Bonus marks if you knew what they did before reading the article

Military’s killer robots must learn warrior code
Perhaps if someone were to codify some Laws of Robotics?

Judge gives Microsoft big win in ‘Vista Capable’ case
Vista even makes suing Microsoft more difficult

Microsoft’s IE 8 Compatibility List: Is it working?
You’d think it would shame those sites (like Microsoft.com) into getting fixed

Somnambulism in the Internet Age
Sending emails in your sleep? I do that most of my time at work.

9 Common usability mistakes in Web design
Without even including Flash/Silverlight

How to defend against deadly integer overflow attacks
Never use variables of type “Deadly integer”

Microsoft denies it profits from Vista-to-XP downgrades
It just profits

What can database developers and DBAs do about SharePoint?
“Be careful with that axe, Eugene”

Is the relational database doomed?
If by ‘doomed’ you mean, “Going to be the primary data store for many years to come”, then yes

Calculating the odds you’ll lose your job
(log(loc*pi)+meetingsperweek-bugs^2)-(ceosalary mod 1000)

HD TV beats depression, claims HD TV company
There you go: it’s not a frivolous expense, it’s therapy

One of those magic times: On Friday the 13th!
Sesame Street+Wicca = Unix

Bill Gates releases bugs
Mosquitos with fricking lasers on their heads!

Does the space shuttle’s computer really run on just one megabyte of RAM?
I’m guessing it’s not running Outlook

Understanding your enterprise architect: A guide for managers
Lattes go in one end, UML comes out the other

Forward slash led to massive Google glitch
I’m just guessing that something else might be getting forward slashed

Six ways to save your IT project from the scrap heap
Bonus #7: Ship it

Gartner reveals the eight hottest mobile techs to watch
“Mobile phones are the only subject on which men boast about who’s got the smallest”

Coming soon: Full-disk encryption for all computer drives
Ecausebay ypingtay verythingeay niay igpay atinlay ustjay ontway orkway

Microsoft contributes code to Apache SOA project
Anyone have a spare sweater? I think it’s frozen over somewhere.

12 useful techniques for good user interface design
Sometimes the pig looks better with a little lipstick

Belkin exec disavows fake user review offers
We’re really terribly sorry (we got caught)

What your computer’s drive will look like in 5 years
Five times as big as it is now, and still full

Caffeine can cause hallucinations
That explains the code I just checked in

NSA helps name most dangerous programming mistakes
Drawing UML diagrams on the side of a water buffalo?

Hackers hijack Obama’s, Britney’s Twitter accounts
OK, no one has coined a term for phishing on Twitter yet. How about: twawling, twitting or twiping?

Don’t shout at your disk drives, warns Sun engineer
They’re sensitive and easily offended

Our favorite blogs
They pulled this list out of their RSS

Anyone who will quote Office Space and Pink Floyd and reference Isaac Azimov to comment on tech news is okay by me. I couldn’t have said it better myself.